Plot Twists - And Other Unexpected Nonsense
I saw this on Pinterest (don't worry, I go to weekly addict meetings for my problem with Pinterest) a while back and it resonated. Loudly. Like one of those sounds that shake you. This sentiment is one that I can shout "AMEN!" about, but not just when something goes wrong, always. I always need to yell "PLOT TWIST" - always.
I should just never tell anyone anything I want to do with my life. When people ask, "What are your plans?" or "Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" I should just say "We don't plan anything. Ever. Tomorrow is a total mystery. I believe one hundred percent in living for the now. We grocery shop when hungry and sleep when it's convenient." Not joking, totally serious.
But that doesn't always (ever) work. Sometimes you need to, want to, have to make plans. And sometimes (frequently) those plans don't work out or change or new details are added into the mix, which leads people to feel like don't have your life figured out yet - which I don't - and you're crazy - which I am.
This is a photo of a sunflower that Marko took.
Our plan is ever shifting, ever changing, ever moving - much like us. And I get that it is hard to understand, wrap your brain around, keep track of, and keep up with, for us too! But I get tired of hearing it is a bad plan. Because it isn't. Maybe the details haven't been sorted out quite yet - but don't mistake "half baked" for bad.
Most of the time people share their dreams once they are fully realized. You get to see the finished pretty side of what actually looked messy; details changing, hiccups happening, other opportunities entering, failure, frustration, complication, joy, sorrow, heartbreak and more.
We share our dreams before they are even fully thought out. Comparison is the thief of joy - yet we all do it anyway. It's the cigarette of emotions. We know it's bad for us, but we just can't help it. It's addictive, sitting in the back of our minds ready to strike. So, in order to appear on top of it or in the lead, we post photos and stories and videos of accomplishments, beauty, success. We want people to look at us and think good things. And while I would LOVE that. I can't just share the good things.
I want to be real. I want you all to know that we are not sure what our future holds. I want to be transparent and show all the crazy, ugly, bizarre happenings in our life alongside the good, the joyful, the lovely. We still do not own furniture since moving back from Oaxaca. True story. This is partially because who exactly can afford a $3,000 living room set (or even wants to spend that much on furniture?) AND partially because we don't want to accumulate garbage that we don't actually love and doesn't work for us in the long run. This is how our entire life runs right now. We are broke, confused, frustrated to the point of tears! And still don't know what is next. But we are also hopeful and still planning away.
These are our happy faces. You can see Mark is clearly the optimist.
I am having flashbacks to being a teenager and feeling like I must be missing something, like there must be a secret life-planning book that gets passed around but missed me. People have a difficult time understanding and accepting when you choose a different path. Our family is feeling that a lot lately. And it's hard to address because we are having a hard time keeping our heads above water, much less let people know that reminding us to tread water is actually not all that helpful.
What is helpful is the reminder of the first time I travelled on my own. And I met bunches of people who were my brand of crazy. They were restless, full of the desire to travel, messy planners - our souls resonated. I am reminded of what a relief it was to know that I was not actually alone in the world. I was a pretty snowflake just like everyone else. This is the memory I turn to again and again as I feel strange and out of my element back in the grind.
By the time this season is through, we'll be espresso.
Our plans continue to shift, but are starting to take shape. With opportunities continuing to open up, we are hoping they will become more concrete soon. Or maybe they will remain in the jello-like state forever. Who knows? Not us. But keep a weather eye on the horizon - aka our blog.