Daily Blog :: Who Am I?
My name is Malialani. It means heavenly calm, which is the running joke. Everyone calls me Malia. No one calls me Mal. My name is Hawaiian, like me. I am hapa, half-and-half. I like being half. It makes me a part of several different worlds, belonging to none. Third-culture-kid.
I was born in April, but I prefer to just celebrate rather than celebrate me. I used to celebrate a bit too hard. Good memories, but also a lack of good memories. So now I'm trying to find balance. In every aspect - not just the celebrating.
Wife to Marko and a mom to Rory and Jinora, I am constantly trying to remember myself as a member of our family. We are four - evenly balanced with introverts and extroverts, eye colors, boys and girls. But sometimes I forget that I am also me separate from them.
I like Jesus, but I don't always like Christians. Which is hard, because I am one. I think God shakes his head a lot. Like parents tend to do when their kids are being assholes.
I have no regrets. Not even one. I really like who I am, even though she's constantly changing. And so I wouldn't change one thing that I have been through or experienced. And even though I don't love everything about my life right now, I bet I will feel the same way about this stage once it's passed. Maybe not though.
I cut my hair when I need change. I also move furniture. And drive. I need change a lot. So I may seem inconsistent. Maybe I am. But I like to call it spontaneous. The other word might be reckless. Maybe.
Pinterest is my online vice. I'm not obsessed, but I love the way the pretty photos look. A visual learner at heart. I like it when things are pretty, which sound shallow, but it's true. But pretty doesn't mean perfect. In fact, I think, most often, the prettiest things are things that expose imperfections.
The most important thing in the world to me is freedom. I sometimes wish it was something else. Something less difficult to pin down. But then I remember how much I love when I feel free. There is nothing better than the feeling of being free.
I'm finding the older I get, the more like my young self I become - just, a more graceful version. Which is kind of cool. It's like I am returning to myself. I like that. There is never less to learn in this life, and that is so amazing! I never stop being amazed.
I'm highly extroverted. I crave people like other people crave drugs. I just want to breathe in social interaction. This also means I try to carve out time for myself, because otherwise I collapse. And I would prefer to be healthier longer.
Travel is the best high there is. I have been so many places in the world that sometimes I forget which places I've been. In a perfect world I would do nothing but go to from place to place with my sweet tribe.
I enjoy getting creative. I write. I do yoga. I doodle on canvas and occasionally write music. I make jewelry sometimes. I photograph things. I dance around with my babies. I dream very real dreams.
I have been to more funerals than weddings. I don't really do small talk very well. I run on smiles and sarcasm. I'm not really very sorry if you don't get it. I get seasonal depression when I'm too far North or South. I don't like the dark.
Despite being an optimist, I am also very realistic. I think compassion and empathy are the highest forms of intelligence. I love being inundated by cultures and languages I don't know or understand.
I prefer honesty to sugar. My idea of advice looks like this:
I don't plan long-term very well, if at all. I genuinely prefer to live in the moment. But I'm working on it. I trying to figure out what "long-term" looks like. Slowly, but surely. Isn't that life?