Daily Blog :: The Path
When did I find my path? Honestly, I think I am still looking for "my" path. But I do know when I found myself on the path that I'm on. And it happened with the semi-spontaneous purchase of a one-way-ticket to South America.
Is anyone tired of this picture yet?
Because I'm not.
That was the first time I let what I want triumph over what people said I should want. That was the moment I stepped out of the rat race and found my own way. It was some day in April of 2009. And from that moment on, my life spiraled downward until I stepped on that plane. There were moments of joy, but for the most part it was darkness. Almost as if it was trying to stamp out the small flame that had begun burning inside me. The light of independence was growing, overwhelming every other part of me, and the darkness wanted so badly to not let it.
I think that purchase, that flight, that season of my life really set me up on my path. It gave me the confidence to follow my dreams with out the need to justify them. It gave me the strength to do things on my own, comfortable with being alone. It was a violent end and a beautiful start - the two so often go together.
So that's when I found my path, but sometimes I still get off track or forget to step forward and I still don't know where I'm going. I so often feel like I am surrounded by people who have a plan. They know what they want and where they're going and they have a checklist to get there.
I have, like, a general idea.
But mostly it's all mist up ahead.
I want my path to lead to a place where that fire I started 8 years ago is fed. I want my life to be a wild homage to freedom and adventure. With stories and memories abounding. I want to arrive at the end of my path a hot mess, everything about me well-loved and well-cared for, but not necessarily "nice." I want to sprint through the end or meander through. Something. Just not calculated. I don't want to know when or how it will come to an end. I just want to enjoy what I can see and experience along the path right now.
A lot of that seems fuzzy and nonsensical. But yesterday I built a fort with my babies. I drew lovely designs on their faces and we made an adventure in the midst of crushing normalcy. It. Was. Magical. And that is what I want for my path. Magic. So much magic. Up ahead can be covered in mist, it just makes right now all the more magical.
Now that I've found my path, I would love the opportunity to really pursue it; To focus in on following the rabbit down the hole; To get lost in the magic.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?