The Daily Blog :: Take Two
I want to be writing more.
I started daily blogging back in December using random prompts I found on random lists I saw on Pinterest. I picked according to my interest and assumed my natural writing flow would eventually just pour out onto the page - this did not happen. I kept ahead of schedule sometimes, but sometimes I would be down to the wire, cutting into time with my tribe, and still only put out what I would consider mediocre nonsense. There is no doubt that it held purpose and light, but a lot of the time it just felt forced.
So I stopped daily blogging - in case you missed that.
It is winter and I am a sunshine, warm weather kind of girl so I was kind of morose and disappointed that I wasn't writing (and in a number of other things). It has been an existential crisis kind of season. I just can't rectify the world around me with how I think and feel. And while I think this is a pretty normal occurrence, we humans are always searching for meaning, it has been the disheartening cherry on top of the frustration sundae that is my current state of being. The stage of life I currently find my tribe and self in is fairly unstable and not at all where I want to be, so it is natural that I would be contemplating the subjective nature of existence.
But I didn't just mope! Oh no, Dearlings. I spent time on my mat, teaching new classes at a new studio. I read inspiring books and listened to enlivening music. I meditated, devoured holistic health literature and practices, downsized our already downsized life, and got my sad self to the beach - salt is important, people. And then I sat down to write a list. A list of what I want to write about, what I am passionate about, what I desire in my life and, by proxy, the blog.
I often have a sense of needing to fill a kind of standard or quota, a quiet fear that if my writing isn't quite right that I have failed. But I am working on letting go of that shit. Because the truth is, I just want to write. So whatever comes of it is what was best in that moment, no need for analysis or overthinking. I am leaving unmet expectations, and so many other things, behind this season.
And I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.
Changing the way you think always changes the way you are. There is power in the simple, peaceful things of life, like that. So I am writing again. Initially with some daily blogs for a couple of weeks, then we'll see. There is a fire in me that is catching, and it desires to be fed with words.
There is all the time in the world for change, Beloveds. Real change.