The Longest Journey
These days I'm looking out over the vast expanse of my future with peace, rather than running through the moments of my past, in search of I'm-not-sure-what in order to better understand what-I-don't-know. Autumn has truly arrived as a fresh start, shifting the weight of my life's pages and allowing a new chapter.
For this moment, there is some semblance of clarity.
Four years ago, I compared our family's situation to that of being in the desert. Wanderers, struggling to find anything to sustain us as we sought a brighter future. And when we reached the promised land two years later? It was wonderful, hard, and the complete wrong thing for us. A mirage posing as an oasis in the center of our journey through the sands. Still dry, empty, and now disillusioned.
Fighting a sandstorm of growing pains, the last two years have continued in that same analogy of arid landscape, striving for some imaginary horizon. Except now we carry on even though the mirages have stopped. Hope for food to sustain or water to quench has been lost in along the way, but still we move forward. Or perhaps not forward, but just moving.
Toward what? I do not know.
I gave up seeing the world in black and white long ago, and I didn't just add greys to my palate. There are vibrant greens, enrapturing blues, violent yellows, captivating reds, beloved violets, enchanting oranges, and so many others! In the same way, I no longer think of there being an end to this journey we are on. There will ever be a horizon, but for the first time? I don't know that knowing it changes my desire to seek that line, to follow it until I cannot do so any longer. I have, instead, discovered a sense of peace around it.
The desert may be a place of emptiness, but it is also pure, refining. And God knows this life has been refining, will continue to be refining. We cling to life, but reject it so fully when exposes us to our capacity. I tried that, now I choose peace instead.
Or, at least, I choose peace today.
Life is the longest journey, and it doesn't end. Not really. The horizon is always before you, always inviting. So will you follow? Or will you stay?
In this moment, I think I'll follow.
Eyes up, heart open, seeking.
Peacefully accepting this longest journey.