• Malialani Dullanty

Interstital :: November

Happy Thanksgiving

Oh, Beloveds. How do I even begin to write about this past month?

I genuinely don't know.

Earlier this year, I felt this tug to purchase Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I don't want to be dramatic, but it literally changed my life. I recognized a lot of the lies I was telling myself - that Mark and I were telling ourselves. We made some hard decisions - individually and together - about changing our lives.

This was kicked off hard with doing "Sober October" - participating alongside the greats like Joe Rogan and all his friends. Now, we aren't actually very big drinkers, but we've done themed months before and it has been really fun so we gave it a go. We discovered being sober for a month was literally no big deal. However, I will credit the prompt with pushing us to go farther, work harder, establish bigger and better goals for us. And now we are in the midst of that...

It is hard. So very hard to be looking at ourselves under a microscope and pushing ourselves to achieve every dream we have ever cooked up. It feels heavy and impossible and deep and dark - but also so so good. It's like going hard at a workout, your hardest, and being so exhausted but staying strong, and then climbing slowly, painfully into that hot epsom salt bath because you know it's good for you, even if it stings.

We needed to identify the things we were doing wrong and begin pursuing the things we actually wanted, going after them without shame and without apology. Both of these aspects are so important, I can't stress them enough.

1. Finances. Why are we not more honest as a society about our finances? There is so much shame wrapped up in talking about finances that so many of us think we're alone and we don't know what to do with or about money. We own our own business and while we have technically "made it" over the last 2 years - that hasn't translated to us personally as much as we have wanted to believe. And we are paying for our bad habits now. Which sucks, but it's better to face it. To look straight at it and say "We are going to do it differently. We are going to do it better." And it would be SO great to tell you that things are looking up, that we have changed our circumstances around, that financially we are living on top of the world. But the truth is? We are figuring it out. We are seeking out help. We are shifting our methods, ditching bad habits, cultivating new ones. It's slow hard work. And it's worth it.

2. Health. Man, how honest do each of us need to be about health??? It's hard. It's also hard to stay motivated and change really ingrained habits to reach for my phone or to Netflix and chill instead of really engaging in our life at the end of the day. We backslide and collapse into the couch at night, and then we wake up in the morning and are just not in a good space. We forget to drink water and have the worst sleep. We don't eat healthily and end up feeling like garbage. But! When we backslide? We can just check ourselves and try harder the next day. There is no expiration date on changing your life - except death. So we are working hard on our health. Mental and physical, emotional and spiritual. And it's so worth it.

3. Business. Specifically pursuing the business we want. We have spent a long time thinking we would make it happen when the time was right, that we would wait until we had a certain amount of money or stability to start, that we would naturally transition... Here's the thing though - your dreams don't just happen. You work for them. There is never a "right time," there will always be something happening that will hold you back if you let it be the excuse. The time is now. It's always now. So expect some big things in the next several months - they are coming your way.

4. Goals & Failure. I said it up earlier about finances, but shame tends to seep into every aspect of life. And it's sneaky. Shame tells you not to set goals. Shame tells you it's wrong to fail. Shame tells you to keep it all to yourself, that people will never understand your aspirations or accept you if you fail. Shame is a LIAR. I wrote earlier this year about how important we have realized failure is for us individually, as a family, and as a business. It's so crucial. You've got to set goals, big amazing goals to reach for - and then you have to fail at reaching them. Again and again. You have to learn more about yourself and grow, you have to recognize the importance of each and every failure in making you better, making you stronger, making you smarter. With every failure you set new and more specific goals or you change your plan of attack. This is what we are doing. Setting goals and failing wonderfully, getting up and failing again. Maybe someday we'll know success, but I hope that just means we set a bigger goal.

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. - TR

If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done. - TJ

So now? We intend on doing things differently.

Happy Thanksgiving, beloveds.

Have the most spectacular Thursday.




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