The sun never rose today.
It has refused to rise this week.
Our sweet star has hidden itself away from us and our loved ones because she does not wish to offend by revealing her brilliance during our season of difficulty, during our season of loss, during our season of brokenness.
We are lost in the bleakness of winter.
Without life or light or hope today.
It is perpetually midnight.
At this point there are too many stories to even vaguely convey; too many tales of woe and broken narratives. There is pain and suffering, deep loss, cycles of abuse, shattered relationships. Our lives and the lives of our beloved friends and family seem to be reflecting the winter these days. We are living overwhelmed by death and rotting surroundings, suffocated by the sharp cold, pressed in by the dark clouds, hopeless without the sun.
In the winter, it is easy to be stifled by the darkness. To look at what was once vibrant and full of life as it sits rank with decay. And, often, the only way to even check if a thing is still alive is to cut it open and see its insides, slicing deep enough to get a good look at whether or not it is wick.
Maybe humans are the same.
And in order to make sure we are going to make it to another Spring, we need to be cut deeply. Deep enough that we think it might be fatal, in order to make sure we're still alive. To find out that regardless of our decomposing surroundings, we are still gathering energy from tiny bits of sunlight that do manage to get through. To discover we will eventually put forth buds and leaves, and maybe, just maybe, a flower and then fruit.
This will not happen today.
It will not happen tomorrow.
I cannot say that it will happen next week or next month or even next year. For people are different than plants. And sometimes our intervals of winter last for much longer than the quarterly exchange of the physical seasons.
As the sun returns to us, we will begin to feel the immense pressure building up within us in order to produce sweet buds.
I cannot wait for that day.
For today? Every moment is midnight.
145 Days to June